Nuestro destete: cómo me sentí cuando mi hijo se destetó (parte II)

Mi hijo se destetó por iniciativa propia con 14 meses recién cumplidos. Ya he hablado de cómo fue su proceso de destete en otro post, pero no quiero cerrar este capítulo sin compartir compartir cómo me sentí yo. Cuando llegó el momento, a mí me hubiera gustado encontrar más historias como la mía:

Lactancia materna y destete voluntario
Fotografia de Julia Puig Photography

Yo no me lo podía creer. Al principio estaba muy preocupada porque T llevara días sin mamar, pero todavía no me atrevía a decir que se hubiera destetado (ni siquiera que lo estuviera haciendo). Los primeros días me sacaba leche para intentar ofrecérsela de diferentes maneras, pero no la quería. Mi obsesión era no perder la producción y recurrí al sacaleches. Lloraba cada vez que me acercaba a aquel cacharro, pero la verdad es que lloraba bastante en general. Poco a poco fui asumiendo que tal vez mi hijo jamás volvería a mamar y eso sacó un montón de sentimientos a la luz.

Lo poco que he leído sobre el destete iniciado por el niño es que a veces las madres podemos sentirnos rechazadas. Yo he sentido muchas cosas, pero rechazo no. Mi hijo no dejó de abrazarme, besarme, pedirme cuentos o tirarse encima mío ni una vez. Él estaba estupendamente. Por una parte estuvo genial porque sé que muchos niños lo pasan tremendamente mal cuando el destete lo lidera la madre y nosotros nos estábamos ahorrando ese sufrimiento. Sin embargo, a mí me hacía daño que él lo estuviera llevando tan bien. Pensé muchas cosas: ¿es que no era importante para él?, ¿cómo podía no echar de menos algo que supuestamente nos llenaba tanto a los dos? Hasta ese momento yo compartía algo único en el mundo con mi hijo, algo que nadie más podía darle, y eso ya nunca más iba a ser así.

Cuando estaba embarazada y me preparaba para la lactancia escuché mucho sobre la importancia emocional que tiene para los bebés, pero no estaba lista para la relevancia emocional que iba a tener para mí. Resulta que tenía una relación con mi hijo, se había acabado y yo era la única que parecía estar sufriendo por ello. Era una ruptura  y tuve que pasar por un duelo parecido a si me hubiera dejado mi pareja.

Otro duelo que tuve que pasar fue de decirle adiós a la identidad que yo había construido de mí misma. Esto igual suena muy rimbombante, pero ha sido así. Durante todo el tiempo que duró nuestra lactancia yo me definí como una mujer lactante. Como muchas otras cosas también, claro, pero dar el pecho era algo de lo que yo me sentía especialmente orgullosa. Lo hacía todos los días, me había costado mucho esfuerzo, lo compartía con mi hijo y me hacía feliz. Y de repente ya no era así. La imagen que yo tenía de mí  ya no se correspondía con la realidad. Algo que era parte de quien yo era ya no estaba ahí. La mujer que iba a ser (una madre que da el pecho hasta los dos años o más, pese a las malas caras de muchos), ya no iba a llegar.

Al mismo tiempo, me sentía tremendamente culpable. Culpable por no haber pensado que ese momento podía llegar, culpable por no haberle ofrecido la teta más veces cuando iba reduciendo tomas, culpable por haberme alegrado cuando dejó las tomas nocturnas, culpable por haber gritado cuando me mordió, culpable por haber mirado el móvil durante su última toma, culpable por no haber sabido gestionar su huelga de lactancia lo bastante bien como para que quisiera volver, culpable por no estar siendo capaz de asumir una decisión de mi hijo… Me he machacado mucho y a día de hoy sigo sin habérmelo perdonado todo.

Hablar y desahogarme es lo que más me ayudó los primeros días. Desde aquí quiero agradecer a mi marido y a todas las mujeres que me escucharon, me preguntaron cómo estaba y me dejaron contar lo que pensaba y sentía. Gracias por no hacer como si no pasara nada, como si no tuviera importancia. Gracias por entender que le estaba diciendo adiós a una parte muy importante de la relación con mi hijo y a una parte de mí misma. Gracias también a T, por no dejar de hacerme mimos ni un solo día y por sonreírme tanto cuando a mí no me apetecía. Lo has hecho todo un poquito más fácil.

Cuando escribo esto hace ya seis días que no me saco leche y  ya no me va  a hacer falta. A mi hijo le he escrito una pequeña carta y algún día le enseñaré este post. Mi marido me va a regalar un colgante hecho con leche materna que me birló del congelador. Tuvo que confesarlo porque yo pensaba encargarme uno por mi cuenta. Cuando me lo dé he pensado en inflar unos globos y celebrarlo con mi hijo, como si fuera el fin de fiesta. Entonces pienso hacer muchas fotos porque si de algo me quiero arrepentir es de no haber hecho más dando el pecho. El resto de remordimientos espero perdonármelos con el tiempo.

184 thoughts on “Nuestro destete: cómo me sentí cuando mi hijo se destetó (parte II)

  1. Hacía tiempo que no te leía y la verdad es que me encanta como escribes!!!
    Tienes una gran sensibilidad, me entretiene, me río, lloro…en fin que eres una crack…anímate a escribir un libro!!!!
    Besos

  2. Estoy pasando por lo mismo, que duro es, llevo dos noches y una mañana que no me recibe. al igual que tú me niego a creerlo, son tantos sentimientos, por un lado me alegra que sea yo la que tenga que hacer el duelo y no él. Mi bebe tiene 13 meses y 3 semanas. Tendré que hacer mi duelo, al igual que tu me sentía super orgullosa de responderle a la gente SÍ, SIGUE CON TETA Y??;

    1. Muchas gracias por escribir y compartir tu experiencia. En nuestro caso ya han pasado algunos meses y, aunque todavía me acuerdo a menudo, ya no me duele pensar en cuando sí le daba de mamar. Se ha convertido en un recuerdo muy bonito y ya no me da vergüenza decir que mi hijo «solo» tomó teta 13 meses cuando otras llegan a los dos años y más allá… Eso sí, llegar hasta aquí ha sido un proceso difícil. Se habla mucho de lo mal que lo pasan los niños cuando se les desteta, pero no de lo mal que lo pasamos nosotras cuando es al revés… y realmente lo pasamos muy muy mal. ¡Muchísimo ánimo, Marcela! Eres un madre genial, estoy segura 🙂

  3. Muchas gracias por compartir este post, comparto cada sentimiento, lo estoy viviendo esta semana, es exactamente eso un duelo del que nunca nadie me advirtió que podía pasar. Estoy en pleno proceso de cambio de identidad de mamá lactante orgullosa a mamá de biberones. Yo intenté día y noche pero se convirtió en un drama lo que era un momento lindo para nosotras, así que anoche reflexioné y decidí no ofrecerle más, respetando su decisión (muy duro y triste), ahora trato de pensar en lo feliz que me hizo estos ocho meses.

    1. Hola, Leivy. Muchas gracias por leerme y por tomarte el tiempo de compartir cómo estás. Siento mucho que te hayas sentido así, es verdad que no nos preparamos para que las cosas sucedan de esta manera. Hace unas pocas semanas pensé que mi segunda hija (10 meses) se iba a destetar y, para mí sorpresa, volví a sentirme a fatal. Haces genial en quedarte con lo bonito de estos 8 meses, estoy segura de que la relación con tu hija seguirá siendo preciosa. Un abrazo enorme.

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